Dear Dr. Emily,
Do you have any tips for lasting longer in bed? I have always had trouble climaxing too soon in the bedroom and would like to last longer. It’s not something that my girlfriend has brought up as a problem for her or anything, but I can’t help wanting to last longer in bed.
Seeking Sexual Stamina
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Dear Seeking Sexual Stamina,
It’s totally normal that you want to last longer in bed. In many cases, men are able to orgasm more quickly than women, and this often leads to an orgasm gap—AKA men having more orgasms than women. But by working on your stamina, you’ll be able to devote even more time to your girlfriend. Talk about a win-win situation! Here are some of my top tips for lasting longer in bed.
Edging/ Start-Stop Method
Edging is a great technique for lasting longer in bed and gaining control over your ejaculatory muscles. The start/stop method can be practiced through masturbation or with a partner. Simply reach the point nearing climax and pull back away. Continue until you absolutely can’t stand it anymore, allowing for a larger more powerful orgasm during that final release.
Eventually, this practice trains you to develop more control over your body. You’ll be able to hold off on your orgasm, and pay more attention to your girlfriend’s needs. (We’ve also got a great guide on edging, located here.)
If you’ve been listening to the show, you know that I love the magic of Kegels. Not only do they strengthen your pelvic floor, but they also define your ejaculatory muscles allowing for better ejaculatory control. It’s also a common misconception that Kegels are just for vulva-owners; if you’ve got a penis, you can do Kegels, too.
To perform your Kegels, simply squeeze your PC muscles inward and upward, tense and release. You can increase and vary the length of time in between contractions, but make sure to start doing your Kegels routinely and regularly, so you can start seeing true results. (In your case, lasting longer in bed!)
Though I don’t recommend using medication unless absolutely necessary, there are some products you can turn to to help with premature ejaculation. Promescent is a topical treatment that is sprayed on top of the penis and is specifically designed to delay ejaculation. You can also use condoms to decrease penile sensitivity, allowing you to last longer. Or invest in a cockring or penis extender—I love the Verge by We-Vibe.
If you’re still struggling, talk to your doctor or a medical professional. They might have some added tips for you.
One reason you might be finishing “early” is that your penis is just so psyched to be having sex that it wants to release ASAP. Masturbating a few hours before sex might enable you to hold off a little bit.
Remember: this isn’t something you have to do alone. If you feel comfortable, speak with your partner about how you love your sex life but want to work together to increase your endurance in the bedroom. Simply knowing that your bedroom is a safe space without judgment will take the anxiety out of the equation and allow you to better live in the moment and last longer.
Finally, continue to make sure that the other areas of your life are healthy, too. Our sexual health is directly tied to our overall health, so it’s important to eat nutritious foods and engage in a regular form of exercise. You’ve got this.