Unlike mopping the floor or catching up on laundry, sex is the last thing you want to feel like a chore. So if you or your partner start to notice major wane in sensual spark, it’s likely you’re feeling a bit frustrated. But fear not—sex drives tend to fluctuate and it’s not unusual for one to wax and wane. Here’s what you can do if you’re looking for ways to increase your sex drive.
perhaps it’s time to look at what unsuspecting causes could be at work—and what can be done to combat them.
The Lowdown on Low Sex Drive
Sex drive, in general, is something that can naturally fluctuate over time. Between different phases of life, wonky moods, bad habits, exhaustion, and so much more, there’s a host of understandable reasons why you may experience a dwindle in desire from time to time. However, if it’s a consistent pattern and/or source of distress in your relationship, you’ll want to take the bull by the horns and figure out what the heck is really going on.
Because of the integral part that hormones have in every aspect of sex itself, certain birth controls, antidepressants, and other mood disorder medications that affect those levels can sometimes decrease libido. In a similar vein, changes in hormone levels as a result of thyroid disorders, aging, or major life events like pregnancy and menopause can have a hefty (though not necessarily permanent) impact as well.
In addition to hormones, one’s environment can also make a sizable difference. Like many things, sex is all about the mind-body connection. If your physical and emotional well-being isn’t at its best, it can have a serious domino effect. So any time a person’s feeling particularly stressed, anxious, or depressed, they’re apt to have lower amounts of energy, which doesn’t exactly set the scene for crushing life…much less a sex life, too.
Other relatively simple causes can include having a different schedule from your partner, juggling kids, or feeling otherwise disconnected from each other; so ultimately, it’s just important to assess any and all possibilities to best treat your specific situation accordingly.
Talking to Your Partner
When low sex drive becomes an issue within relationships, it’s definitely good to talk about it with your partner. Regardless of how awkward, bummed, or self-conscious the idea of the conversation might make you feel, a lessened libido (and not to mention, the overall state of your mental/emotional health) affects them, too. So it’s only fair to be open and honest with one another in order to healthily navigate the situation together.
Besides, if you’re comfortable enough to have sex in the first place, it has to be something you’re just as comfortable discussing as well! Ideally, outside the bedroom in a calm, neutral environment where you’re unlikely to be interrupted.
While having the conversation, it’s also important for both partners to know that a low sex drive is not an inherent indicator of dissatisfaction or disinterest in the relationship. With so many potential causes – some controllable, some not – you want both sides to be patient, not take things personally, consult any relevant professionals and, while at it, perhaps give some of these libido-boosting tips a try!
How to Increase Your Sex Drive
As previously mentioned, talking to your doctor is typically a great place to start. Especially if you suspect it could be a result of a health condition, medication, or birth control you’re taking, they can weigh in with an expert medical opinion and safely adjust any prescriptions as needed.
Although, if you think the low sex drive is more so a matter between you and your partner, finding ways to get on the same page (and possibly spice things up) could be the only Rx you need.
Having candid conversations about each other’s likes/dislikes, new acts or toys you’d be open to exploring, potentially scheduling sex, and what you can do to mutually maximize pleasure overall are excellent jumping-off points for gradually increasing drive. After all, desire can be responsive as opposed to purely spontaneous, so you might be surprised at what a simple tapping into each other’s turn-ons can do to rekindle that sexy flame.
In the end, one of the biggest elements of boosting sex drive is prioritizing pleasure, period. As with any other activity or expertise, intimacy needs time, attention, and effort in order to nurture it to the fullest. If it’s an issue of physical or mental health that’s causing your libido to fizzle out, of course, it needs to be treated accordingly. But once your body gets back on track, it’s amazing how just a few steps can possibly have you feeling closer and more in sync than ever.
Even though low libido may initially feel like a stake to the heart of your relationship, just remember that things will be alright! Despite several factors at risk for making your sex drive take a temporary tumble, there are even more ways to help combat them. So, as long as you stay in tune with your body, aren’t afraid to consult professionals, and keep it 100 with your partner across the board, you can reclaim the power of your own sexual desire.
Alex Anderson is an LA-based lifestyle designer proactively raging against the cultural grain. By day she works in television production, and by night enjoys writing, sewing and seeking guidance from the stars. She also finally has an all-black kitty named “Cher.” You can follow her alt-lifestyle blog MSFT Living and on Instagram!